I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
