I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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