I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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