Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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