We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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