Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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