I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
