a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
