I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
