I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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