hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
