Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
