How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The ass gains better be worth it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
