So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
