I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
