Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
