i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
