And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
