You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You pole danced in your parka.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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