im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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