M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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