Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
