im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
