Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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