sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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