Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
