Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
