This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
