I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
