remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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