I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
