oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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