wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
