also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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