wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can you bring me the toilet please
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
