cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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