She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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