i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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