i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we're making bets on your personal life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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