just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
