i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
