Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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