i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
