But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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