Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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