Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
