And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
