you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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