she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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