The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
