It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
