I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
