I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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